Fourteen Going on Forty

My younger self that I have been thinking of as of late

It is October 1st and exactly 14 days until my fortieth birthday.  I want to celebrate these last 14 days of my thirties.  It feels like a big deal to me.  Not the kind where I want a surprise party or a trip around the world (but hey the trip would be cool), but the kind where I think it is important to stop and take note and stock of where I have been and where I am. 

I thought of creating a life-list of 40 things to do before I turned 40 but I thought of it shy of 40 days.  I mean I knew this was the year it would happen but my-oh-my how time has a way of creeping up on you.  So then I thought, ok , I can do 22 things (because that was about how many days ago it really hit me) before I turn 40 but that felt daunting and more of a challenge rather than a celebration.  So I think I will just share parts of myself, some of my favorite things so to speak, for the next 14 days.  And this sharing will help with something else I want to let go of or rather make peace with and that is fear. 

Yes I have a blog which feels big and wide-open in some ways.  In truth it is just a glimpse of who I am based on my the parts of me that I choose to reveal.  And I have not told many people about said blog. When I explore the why behind that (not sharing it with many people) the answer is fear.  Fear of rejection, judgement, ridicule, frivolity, etc.

Fear can be healthy and keep us safe.  Fear can propel us forward with much needed adrenalin.  Or fear can allow us (me) to be mediocre.  Not risking too much because it might hurt and therefore remaining stagnant because it feels better.  Only stagnation doesn't feel better.  Fear can also tell tall-tales and create mountains out of mole hills and let us worry and over think things so much we forget what we were even fearing to begin with.  Whew. 

So with that in mind, I will begin sharing 14 things, something new each day, until I turn 40. I am not sure what each day will bring, but we will see.  This will be a gift to me, chronicling my life and favorite things while leaning into my new year, and hopefully if you decide to join along, a gift to you as I share a few things you might like to explore for yourself.

Today maybe you can think of something that you fear and explore where it comes from. Is it an old story about yourself that may no longer be true but that you are clinging to because it is familiar?  Some of my fears are old stories that I am slowly re-writing. There is this story about a nerdy girl who never did quite fit in.  She didn't have the right accent, or the right clothes, or the right friends.  She was too tall and her eyes were too big and people laughed at her and called her names. She decided it was easier to be quiet and observe and try to go as unnoticed as possible until the most precious parts of her almost dissapeared.  That is part of one of my old stories. There is also beauty in that story.  Part of re-writing my stories is also looking for the shiney in the dullness.  My quietness has lead me to be an observer and to relish the connectivity with the natural world as it embraced me when I felt alone in so many other areas of my life.

Maybe you have a story you would like to re-write as well.