Spring Fever

UNCC Botanical Gardens & Greenhouses

These pictures were taken a few weeks ago on an outing to the botanical gardens and greenhouses of one of the local universities.  The sites, smell and weather were amazing that day and made me long for my own land to dig in again.  Even without my very own land there is much to be thankful for and in awe of as the city comes alive this spring.  

Here flowering buds are bursting on the red bud, cherry and flowering pear trees and shoots of green are breaking through the dark earth and on many of the limbs of bushes and trees.  The clover has returned in full force causing me to pause in search of a lucky clover when I am out and about or on a walk with Miss Butters.  It is amazing to just watch the world around me change day by day.  

This year is moving quickly and I can hardly believe it was 4 months ago when I last posted, and what a ominous post that was since I have spent much of the time since then healing.  Ocular migraines occurred around the first polar vortex and kept me in their grips for 11 straight days.  I finally went to the doctor and thankfully after multiple trips to the eye doctor, medical doctor and several blood tests and an MRI later found out that there was nothing wrong.  The only thing I can determine is that maybe these were caused by the barometric changes in the atmosphere.  In the wake of of all of this was worry, frustration and severe eye and body fatigue.  

Just as I thought things were back on track an unexplained pain in my left hip has occurred that is just as mysterious.  I am on week 5 now of this issue and no amount of stretching, icing, hot baths, turmeric tea, or ibuprofen has provided sustained relief.  Last weekend I sobbed and could only see loss and fear. Loss in the knowledge that I was not going to be able to run my upcoming half marathon I had been training for (my first 13.1 trail run) and fear that I may never be able to run again or go on the many hikes that Alan and I have talked of for this spring and summer.  This weekend I see more possibility and despite the pain feel stronger and am trying to see this as an opportunity to concentrate more on art and writing while I heal. 

A Poem from May

 

 

Drift Seeds

　

At a stoplight entering downtown

on a late afternoon in May

I spot downy drift seeds floating from the sky.

　

At this intersection

old majestic trees give way

to stone, steel, and brick.

　

I do not know the origin of these fluffy orbs of life

or even what they will grow to be.

I only know they cause me to pause and wonder.

　

Do the other passengers and drivers and walkers

see with the same eyes and heart?

Will the stoplight camera on the corner

capture this unfolding of life?

　

All around, so much that we take for granted.

Life continues to open and close as a breath,

indifferent to the pavement or time or passerby.

Day Three: Favorite Things-Running

Sun climbing through the trees on an early morning run

First let me say I am new at running.  I began walking at a beautiful heavily wooded park two years ago when I quit smoking.  The walking, stretching my legs and lungs, and connecting with the outside world helped me make it through this change.

Six months later I began going to a local greenway with my husbands sister.  She was recovering from a speed skating accident and began walking with me and encouraging me to run between certain marked positions and to walk through others ultimately helping me to build my endurance and confidence. 

After we moved to Charlotte, I began running in the cemetery near our condo.  The cemetery met my needs for tranquility and for nature as it is a large green space.  I was also still shy about running in front of others and was not confident to run on the streets and sidewalks around town. On average I ran 1-2 miles 3-4 times a week.

In March of this year I started running everyday with my brother who decided to take up the sport again.  Then my sister let me know that she and my other siblings had signed up for a 5k and so we signed up too.  After several 5K's and one 8K my brother challenged me to a 1/2 marathon. 

I am now just 4 weeks away from my first 1/2 marathon, the Savannah GA Rock and Roll Marathon and 1/2 Marathon and am now running 25-30 miles per week, 5 days a week.

Why do I love running?  Well for one thing it quiets my avid monkey mind.  Don't get me wrong it is still at work but on new subject matter such as bargaining how to cut out a few miles or at what landmark would make a good breaking point.  I also love how it has made my city and other cities I have ran in seem so much smaller.    If you really want to get to know your community, go run (or walk) it.  You will see all the beauty and nuances that are missed by driving.  Hidden alleyways and gardens are stumbled upon, architectural details are seen up close, and I get to see the people that make up my city and neighborhood as well.  One of the greatest parts of running is being out doors; seeing, feeling and smelling the seasons change, hearing and watching the birds (city hawks and the tam-like finches), looking for feathers and little snail shells and four leaf clovers....being in touch with my environment. 

On my thirtieth birthday by best friend Vila said something to me that I took as a challenge.  She didn't mean it that way but it startled me and make me think of the brevity of this life and the choices I made.  She said that whatever choices and behaviors you had developed by 30 you would likely have for the rest of your life.  On the eve of my fortieth birthday I truly feel stronger in body and in spirit than I did 10 years ago and I thank Vila for being a catalyst for that...and for her love and friendship and support no matter what habits or behaviors I have had over the years.

"There are as many reasons for running as there are days in the year, years in my life. But mostly I run because I am an animal and a child, an artist and a saint. So, too, are you. Find your own play, your own self-renewing compulsion, and you will become the person you are meant to be." - George Sheehan

This Month Around The Yard

This month I have had more time to spend in and around our yard at our old house and have noticed little creatures teeming with activity all about.  I wonder if it is just me, being a more active participant, or if they are all busier in preparation for the shift in seasons and a possibly cooler fall and winter.

The past two years I have been able to mark the subtle changes in seasons by being aware of the insects that seem to suddenly appear.  Crane flies are the first to appear and announce that Spring has arrived.  I know the hummingbirds will be in soon when I spot the first of the crane flies.  The indigo-blue mud dauber is next on the list as temperatures begin to rise.  Dragon flies are just around the corner at the peak of the summer season and the majestic butterfly glides in just as the shadows begin to grow longer.  Spiders then begin to hang their webs in curious places as if they are vying for the greatest attention; high in the trees, in between the bushes, dangling from a power line, and framing doorways and windows with their glistening traps.  This week it is the afternoon chirp of the crickets and watching them in abundance as they leap through the grass just ahead of my step that reminds me cooler temperatures are soon to come.

Activity around the yard this month

I still sometimes have trouble with directions and if I am facing N-S-E-W, but it is nice to be in touch with these clues again and to tell time from a deeper reservoir. 

I would love it if you would share what you are noticing while you are out and about these days?

Unfolding

All weekend I felt like fall.

I counted the moons and tides
and the lines of my own mapped body.

Today I feel like lapis
washed  soft and smooth
with veins of pyrite sparkling.

I am timeless and nameless,
in tune for this very moment
with the energy of all life.

This very well may be my fall.

In spring I was drunk on the green vine,
shatter proofed.
In the summer I was lustful and lazy
in the damp humidity of creation.

A praying mantis dead and broken on my door step,

the color of green-grey bark,
is placed on my mantle
along with the birds’ nest,
long empty,
and the remnants of lilies and a gum tree barb.

I see differently now.

There are stories unfolding.
Leaves fall like pages turning.

A Quiet Spot



Golden Leaves

I am still adjusting to the sounds of the city after moving from our quiet home nestled at the end of the street and flocked with trees on 2 sides of our property. It has the kind of quiet where you can hear your own breath catch when you look up at the night sky full of bright shining stars. Not as quiet as where my parents live in the country, but close.

Maple leaves lining the paths

The first few weeks of being in the city I found myself a little jumpy after my walks down the side walked streets full of cars zooming past, from the sirens of police cars and fire trucks and ambulances within close proximity and the population of winos that I occassionally ran into by the corner grocery. I wanted to experience the city but I also longed for a quiet spot amongst the spontaneous combustion of it all.   A place where I could go to experience nature in sight, sound, and smell.

Lovely Statues

The spot I found happens to be an old cemetery right across from our building and it is just lovely. Established in 1851, it is full of winding tree-lined lanes, ancient trees with presence and wisdom, statues, birdsong , and squirrels running around chasing each other. 





Hawk



 I was thrilled at seeing this magnificent hawk in the cemetery as well.  None of the pictures taken from my phone do him (or her) justice.  I watched him fly over to this leafless tree and followed him over there, all the time holding my breath and hoping he would not fly away.  He is definitely a city hawk because he let me get as close as I wanted, right under the limb he was on in fact and snap away with my camera phone. 

This is a blurry photo of him starring at me in wonder or perhaps annoyance.



New Beginnings

The days have been filled with the golden light of fall, new sights from our little slice of the city we are moving to, trays and pails of fresh paint, decision fatigue, installing shelves and lighting and hooks and ceiling fans, exhausted evenings on an inflatable mattress that cause the last bits of the days energy to burst out in giggles, and a birthday to top it all off.

The photo is of my birthday card from Alan.  How appropriate for my birthday and as we are on the cusp of Halloween.  He said that he couldn't quite explain why but it made him think of me.  I smiled because I agree, I see it too though I can't quite put all of the pieces together.  Maybe it is the homemade and sweet mishmash nature of the costume, or the so-happy-you-could-burst grin.  I love capes and masks too so maybe that is what it is.  Perhaps it is just playing make believe and dress up and trying on the persona of who we want to be, in a moment, or for a day or even forever.  It is not quite a cape but I did receive a very much desired sweater poncho as a birthday gift and I plan to wear it as my magic cloak this fall and winter. 

Our move, my birthday, and the shift of seasons all bring with them change.  Our move will bring with it new discoveries in a new city and adjustments as well especially as we get used to not having a yard to call our own.  Birthdays are to me New Years; there is a pause and a chance to reflect as well as a chance to begin again.  And no matter how old I get, Fall still reminds me of going back to school.  I want fresh notebooks to fill and a new pair of shoes to wear and new thoughts to stretch my mind.

I hope you are finding magic in your fall days and just the right amount of change you need to keep things fresh but not chaotic.

Seasons Change

Today as I was getting my hair colored (My first greys came in while I was still in college) and my hair dresser and I were sharing stories, it hit me how often we ignore, or are influenced to ignore, the seasons or cycles in our life. 

It was early in the morning and it was just the two of us in the shop. What began as a conversation about a recent trip he had taken for a seminar on growing your business turned into a conversation about change.  He talked about being burnt out with running the salon, and managing people.  Oh , and trying to balance his wants and needs and care for and cherish two small children at the same time.  But he didn't share all of this immediately.  I kept inquiring as to what he had gained from the seminar and what ideas was he hoping to implement and did he want a bigger space or a larger clientele.  I was not trying to be pushy or even nosy but in retrospect perhaps I was both.  I was actually thinking, "I really Like Mr. X (X for his privacy) and I wonder what he plans to do and if I could encourage or help him grow his business in any way". What he finally told me was that he did not want to grow the business and that he was actually thinking of "just cutting hair" and not renewing his lease this year. 

Some people may think that is a step back for him, but I believe it is a step up. He is choosing to concentrate on other areas of his life right now and the title of Salon Owner does not fit into the equation, nor does it have to. He is finished with this season. 

My season change should have been could have been 4 years ago and it should have been could have been in a different form, but the reality is that it came at the end of November in the form of a resignation from my job.  It is shameful to admit it but I had become a stranger to myself  and I no longer knew the person staring back at me from the other side of the mirror.  She was not bad or good for that matter, but there was a metallic taste to her that I did not like.  I had missed my season and what is ignored does not necessarily go away.  It just waits. Patiently. In a closet.  Metaphorically speaking and literally.  Trust me I have cleaned out quite a few of both in the past 2 1/2 months.

In this new season I am recreating myself into what I want to be and also rediscovering parts of myself that I had forgotten all about. The biggest impact for me though has been walking and writing in my journal. In my late teens and throughout my twenties I wrote notes to myself in my journal reminding myself of  what I wanted in life.  The problem was that at some point I stopped writing and stopped reading the notes.  Even if you create your own handbook you still need to refer to it at times. I must keep writing and I must keep asking the questions; Am I learning new things-creating-growing-laughing and playing-spending time with those I love?  No matter what joy and sorrows may come, may the answers be YES.

Today I walked out of the salon door with swingy happy hair and a smile.  Smiling that someone else is stepping onto their own path and following their season and thankful that I am experiencing my own new season right now.  I like to think of it as an early Spring.