Day Eight: Favorite Things-Awareness

It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see.  Henry David Thoreau

Morning Run:  Fall Light flooding the Earth

This life goes by so fast and it is easy to get so caught up in to do lists and in tomorrow and next week and even yesterdays that we miss what is right in front of us.

A wild flower pushing up out of the cracked concrete sidewalk teaching us lessons of resilience and determination and beauty in unexpected places.  A shimmer of light higher in the trees indicating fall is here.  The look from a pet, child, lover or friend as they stare at us in longing that goes unnoticed. 

And it can be just as much what we don't feel as it can be what we don't see.  We don't feel gratitude because we feel scarcity because everything is  moving so fast.  We don't feel love from the pet, child, lover or friend because we are so busy getting from one thing to the next until we fall into bed and get up and start all over again.

I did this for years.  Oh every once in a while I would catch a glimpse of what seemed to be a still life all around me, a parallel universe of sorts and when I saw it I was often filled with a longing that scared me.  At times (even still)I have an all or nothing personality so I had a hard time incorporating down time and rest and awareness in my old routine.  It is now a part of everyday and it too helps ground me in the present and be thankful for this very moment.  I take daily walks and runs and purposefully listen, look, smell and hear all that I can about my surroundings. 

This evening, or tomorrow morning, or on your your way to work, or to the coffee shop, or lunch please take the moment to see life differently by doing life differently. Make a conscious effort to put away the cell phone or book or radio or i-pod or whatever it is that is distracting you (pacifying you), and just breathe and listen.  Listen to the hum of life around you.  What do you hear?  Are those crickets?  Can you hear the rustle of fall leaves through the trees?

What do you smell? Could it be the earthy and dusty crispness that comes from cooler weather and the leaves changing from green to gold? Is it bacon wafting out to the street from the open windows of your neighbor during a morning walk? Or is it your own cup of coffee you are savoring quietly and with intent on a little corner of carpet with your legs crossed indian style as you wake up to today and all its possibilities? 

What do your eyes notice today that you have overlooked before?  Is the light flooding into the room at a certain tilt that always fills you with a particular happiness that you have not recognized until this very moment? What colors are filling the earth these days; what color are the leaves, what flowers are blooming, is the sky a particular shade of blue?    

Take a different route to work or leave at a different time.  If you work from home, then work from a coffee shop, café, or park for the day.  Or maybe you can get up just 15 minutes earlier and arise with the thought that today is a new beginning, a brand new day and all yours for the taking.  Smile at each person you come into contact with today and really notice them.  Get out of your head (I know it is so hard to do) and look all around you.  

I don’t guarantee this will change your life, just that you will be more aware of your life and present to it and that with practice a more active participant in it.

What do you do in your own life to practice awareness?

Fourteen Going on Forty

My younger self that I have been thinking of as of late

It is October 1st and exactly 14 days until my fortieth birthday.  I want to celebrate these last 14 days of my thirties.  It feels like a big deal to me.  Not the kind where I want a surprise party or a trip around the world (but hey the trip would be cool), but the kind where I think it is important to stop and take note and stock of where I have been and where I am. 

I thought of creating a life-list of 40 things to do before I turned 40 but I thought of it shy of 40 days.  I mean I knew this was the year it would happen but my-oh-my how time has a way of creeping up on you.  So then I thought, ok , I can do 22 things (because that was about how many days ago it really hit me) before I turn 40 but that felt daunting and more of a challenge rather than a celebration.  So I think I will just share parts of myself, some of my favorite things so to speak, for the next 14 days.  And this sharing will help with something else I want to let go of or rather make peace with and that is fear. 

Yes I have a blog which feels big and wide-open in some ways.  In truth it is just a glimpse of who I am based on my the parts of me that I choose to reveal.  And I have not told many people about said blog. When I explore the why behind that (not sharing it with many people) the answer is fear.  Fear of rejection, judgement, ridicule, frivolity, etc.

Fear can be healthy and keep us safe.  Fear can propel us forward with much needed adrenalin.  Or fear can allow us (me) to be mediocre.  Not risking too much because it might hurt and therefore remaining stagnant because it feels better.  Only stagnation doesn't feel better.  Fear can also tell tall-tales and create mountains out of mole hills and let us worry and over think things so much we forget what we were even fearing to begin with.  Whew. 

So with that in mind, I will begin sharing 14 things, something new each day, until I turn 40. I am not sure what each day will bring, but we will see.  This will be a gift to me, chronicling my life and favorite things while leaning into my new year, and hopefully if you decide to join along, a gift to you as I share a few things you might like to explore for yourself.

Today maybe you can think of something that you fear and explore where it comes from. Is it an old story about yourself that may no longer be true but that you are clinging to because it is familiar?  Some of my fears are old stories that I am slowly re-writing. There is this story about a nerdy girl who never did quite fit in.  She didn't have the right accent, or the right clothes, or the right friends.  She was too tall and her eyes were too big and people laughed at her and called her names. She decided it was easier to be quiet and observe and try to go as unnoticed as possible until the most precious parts of her almost dissapeared.  That is part of one of my old stories. There is also beauty in that story.  Part of re-writing my stories is also looking for the shiney in the dullness.  My quietness has lead me to be an observer and to relish the connectivity with the natural world as it embraced me when I felt alone in so many other areas of my life.

Maybe you have a story you would like to re-write as well. 

This Month Around The Yard

This month I have had more time to spend in and around our yard at our old house and have noticed little creatures teeming with activity all about.  I wonder if it is just me, being a more active participant, or if they are all busier in preparation for the shift in seasons and a possibly cooler fall and winter.

The past two years I have been able to mark the subtle changes in seasons by being aware of the insects that seem to suddenly appear.  Crane flies are the first to appear and announce that Spring has arrived.  I know the hummingbirds will be in soon when I spot the first of the crane flies.  The indigo-blue mud dauber is next on the list as temperatures begin to rise.  Dragon flies are just around the corner at the peak of the summer season and the majestic butterfly glides in just as the shadows begin to grow longer.  Spiders then begin to hang their webs in curious places as if they are vying for the greatest attention; high in the trees, in between the bushes, dangling from a power line, and framing doorways and windows with their glistening traps.  This week it is the afternoon chirp of the crickets and watching them in abundance as they leap through the grass just ahead of my step that reminds me cooler temperatures are soon to come.

Activity around the yard this month

I still sometimes have trouble with directions and if I am facing N-S-E-W, but it is nice to be in touch with these clues again and to tell time from a deeper reservoir. 

I would love it if you would share what you are noticing while you are out and about these days?

Dear Future Self

Earlier this week when I was having a really great day I flipped ahead in my journal to almost the very end and wrote my future self a letter.  You see I have been having enormous shifts lately in perspective, mood, emotion, focus, self esteem, in my home and in my relationships. You name it, it is shifting.  So while I was having this great day where I felt like nothing could possibly bring me down I thought I had better write my future self a note because she was going to need it.  I also thought with all of this shifting taking place I may lose sight of important goals and activities that help ground me.   The funny thing is that I was having such a great day that I think that I wrote to her a little too far in the future because the next day I sure could have used her advice.  That really great day that I was having was followed by three days blazing downhill.

Today has been another great day however.  Ordinary really, but trust me after this roller coaster that is exactly what I wanted.  Just.Ordinary.That.Is.It.  And in the stillness it came to me. Why not send your future self an e-mail or two or 30 for that matter.  Just quick one liners like..Are you doing things for YOU or for other people because when you please yourself at least someone is happy.  I read that somewhere this week and loved it. This may sound selfish but for someone that almost always thinks of how something will effect everyone else before I think of how it will effect me, well this is big.  Or how about....It has been about 28 days and that may be why you are craving chocolate more than normal and crying while watching a butterfly float by.  I mean I do love chocolate and I am tenderhearted but trust me some of this is just hormones too.  Ones I really need right now...This too shall pass.  All of this is just a cycle and you are headed in the right direction.  Think the best of people, that is really who you are and that is really how people react to you when you do.  Have you worked out lately?  Remember how much this gives you an instant mood lift?  Pizza is good for you and makes you happy...maybe today would be a good day to treat yourself to a slice. 

What do you do when you are in a funk and need a reminder that life really is good?  I hope that life is so very good for you right now.  I know it is for me, but like I said my future self may really need a reminder.

Today Was Good

Today was good

in the way that stretching and twisting

and pushing and pulling can be.

In the way that you know will hurt later

but feels so good now

moving in a new way.

Today was good

In the way that catching

glimpses of spring-green chickweed,

shoots of hosta of the deepest purple,

and the movement that of an unexpected  spider camouflaged in the mulch can be.

Today was good

In the way that thoughts

of all the flowers and vegetables and bushes and plants

that had come before

out of this ground

can be.

Today was not sad.

It was a remembrance and celebration of the earth,

My little square of it

as I have claimed for these past 6 years.

Today was good

in the way that I wondered and hoped

that the new owners would fall in love with this hodge podge of life.

Today was good

In how I fell back in love

with all of it,

all the while wondering what will they fall in love with.

Will it be the feathery ferns that will appear out front under the shade of the trees, unfurling as the days grow warmer and summer rains soak the ground?

Or the peonies pushing through the ground and the mystery of hundreds of ants crawling over their green stalks that dazzle their eyes.

Maybe it will be the simplicity of purple buds bursting open and unleashing bright red leaves from the Japanese maple.

I hope they welcome the Snow on The Mountain that came from my grandmother

and the purple verbena that I have babied into returning each year.

I hope they too will grow

tomatoes

and pumpkins

and herbs of all kinds

and that they enjoy the earth that has been tended to

and cared for

with layers of love.

Today was good.