Miniature Tomatoes and Moving my Body

Fresh picked miniature tomatoes, hot from the sun and full of flavor

I am sitting at my desk eating a lunch of delicious raw vegetables and hummus (the miniature tomatoes from my garden taste like they came from Eden) and catching up on some internet browsing.

The recent internet browsings that resonate the most with me today:

• About building a new relationship with your body and with time  http://www.jenlee.net/home/a-week-of-good-things.html 
• This poem..oh my goldeness.... http://emmatree.blogspot.com/2011/06/evening-morning-stillness-flight.html
• This is fun.... http://oneword.com/
• Below average.... http://sivers.org/below-average

 This week I am continuing the 30 Days of Something and find I am pushing myself a little more.  I am still trying to make up my mind about how I feel about this pushing though.  At the beginning of the month I was walking outdoors/indoors, practicing yoga or some type of intentional body movement for at least 20 minutes.  Since last week, I am working out for 10 minutes doing various upper body, lower body, core body, yoga moves or weight lifting and then walking and running 30 minutes. 

I am new to running and really to exercise in general.  I ran all over as a child as well as roamed the neighborhood on my bicycle, but my teenage years were tumultuous to say the least and also the time I started smoking.  I did not play sports in high school and am not generally competitive in that nature so even if circumstances were different I don't know that I would have gotten into sports at the time.  I can be competitive against myself, but it is just not something that generally feels good to me when others are involved.  Flash forward to my freshman year in college when a bunch of the girls on my hall talked me into signing up for intramural soccer.  The first person that I knocked down (by accident) caused me to completely stop and I gasped and helped her up as I apologized over and over again.

In college I also worked out quite a bit at the Nautilus (a local gym) for one year as we were able to sign up for a gym membership and use that as our PE credit.  I enjoyed that because I did compete against myself and it was also the strongest I have been, muscle wise. I took up yoga in my late twenties and followed that for almost 2 years but then got distracted planning a wedding and then my yoga teacher closed his practice and followed his dream on moving to Colorado.

I would like to think I will become stronger now then I have ever been, even stronger than my 20 something self and since starting the 30 Days of Something  I have noticed a few shifts:

• I no longer want music or television or any sound on around me.  Previously I turned on music videos or watched the ticker at the bottom of the screen on CNN and got caught up with the news.  I used all of this activity so I would not become bored.  Now I just feel my body and listen to my breath.  
• I am understanding more about pace.  Monday I felt like I should change my pattern from 30 minutes of walking/running to seeing how long I could sustain the running and asking myself what is hurting first, my legs or my lungs/heart.  
• Now that I don't smoke I find that I can excercise longer and can actual build the intensity.
• Distance is beginning to trump time.  Tuesday I decided to stop measuring the time I was walking/running and to start seeing how far I could walk/run.  I did just over 2 miles in 35 minutes yesterday and today which doesn't seem like much if you are a runner, but for me I see it as an accomplishment.
• Today as I was running I found myself counting to twelve over and over and over again.  It was my way to push through on the run, a form of distractionto help go just a few seconds more before I had to reduce the intensity and return to walking. 

Overall I have a great sense of well being since beginning this challenge and think it must be all those happy endorphins that are being released.  Yeah to happy endorphins I say!!

So on the one hand I have a better sense of well being and know that I am gaining strength (my ultimate goal) and on the other hand I wonder if all of this is just mindless and wasteful.  I am literally running in a loop (on the treadmill) and counting to myself for 30+ minutes.  I guess eating is a different form of running in a loop as well though...you have to keep doing it over and over again to live, and breathing is the same, and really all of life we are running in some kind of "loop".  Maybe what is different is acknowledging it, seeing this pattern for what it is and realizing that even if I was outdoors hiking, if I did that everyday it too would become a loop.  Hmmm.... 

I really do love this 30 days of something challenge as I have now started working out everyday and I know it is possible to make it happen.  There are some other things I really want to make happen as well and the Universe has sent me so many prompts today to begin...to put one foot in front of the other and see where it takes me....to give answer to the questions that are holding me back in other areas of my life. 

Begin is such a green word for me.  I visualize it as a delicate shoot pushing through the earth...a vine reaching for the light... new life pulsating in rhythm to the sun.  I think I will begin by organizing my room and making way for new creations.

What are beginning this week?

Wish List

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I recently subscribed to the #Trust30 30 day writing challenge and one of the writing prompts got me to thinking about the things I must experience in this lifetime, those gleams of light that flash across my mind.  I previously wrote about my wishes here and here but after the writing challenge and recently finding a 20 year old journal of mine with some older wishes I decided to make a new list that I could amend and add to as needed.

I would love to hear about some of things on your own list....I might need to add them to my own.  :)

My Wish List

1. Be strong and fit.
2. Have a strong and healthy dialogue in my head; for my interpretation filters to be positive and hear things in a true sense.
3. Play daily.
4. Create for several hours every day.
5. Keep practicing and for my creative work to become a lifelong habit.
6. Wish bigger, freer, braver wishes.
7. Walk the Road to Santiago.
8. See the Northern Lights.
9. Write and publish a Book.
10. Travel to Greece and see the ancient ruins.
11. Learn to play the Violin.
12. Make a Difference in my Community.
13. Go on Safari in Africa.
14. Get a good digital camera with lenses.
15. Go scuba diving at night to see bio luminescent plankton.
16. Grow enough vegetables to feed my family.
17. Grow enough vegetables to open a produce stand.
18. Grow pumpkins and have a pumpkin farm one fall.
19. Travel the Nile River by boat.
20. Hike in the Amazon Forest and make it back out alive.
21. Hike in a Rain Forest.
22. See all of the US National Parks.
23. Take a week-long scuba diving trip from a live-aboard boat.
24. Hike down into the Grand Canyon and swim in Mooney Falls.
25. Fall in love with Alan more everyday.
26. Explore all of the Galapagos Islands.
27. Walk along the Great Wall of China while holding Alan's hand.
28. Snorkel with Whale Sharks (maybe in Belize).
29. Make a quilt.
30. Swim in the Mediterranean Ocean.
31. Visit Shanghai.
32. See the pyramids of Egypt.
33. Ride a Camel.
34. Barter at a market in Istanbul.
35. Live for one year in Paris.
36. Live by the Ocean for one year.
37. Hike part of the Appalachian Trail.
38. Practice Yoga everyday for 30 days.
39. Practice Meditation everyday for 30 days.
40. Open an Etsy Store.
41. Open a Brick and Mortar Store.
42. Visit Morocco with Alan.
43. Host a Halloween Party.
44. Teach something.....
45. Take another trip with my Mother.
46. Spend at least 3 days with Vila in a cabin in the woods with lots of books, tea, firewood, and a rambling stream of water out back.
47. Learn to dance.
48. Finish re-upholstering my great grandfathers rocking chair.
49. Create a backyard mosaic walkway with glass, rocks, and shells.
50. Take a stroll in Central Park, NY with my brother Jeff.
51. Scuba Dive in the Cayman Islands with Alan.
52. Scuba Dive in Fiji with Alan.
53. Scuba Dive from Bali with Alan.
54. Scuba Dive from Roatan Island with Alan.
55. Visit New Zealand with Alan.
56. Learn to Speak Spanish fluently.
57. Take Graphics Design Classes.
58. Take more pottery classes.
59. Cultivate Happiness.
60. Find a hairstyle that works with my hair type.
61. Go Snow Skiing.
62. Take a train trip.
63. Ride in London's Millennium Eye Ferris Wheel.
64. See the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, CA.
65. Visit New Orleans during Mardi Gras.
66. Take another road trip through Florida with Kendra.
67. Snorkel with Sea Turtles in Tobago with Alan.
68. Learn to Sculpt.
69. Learn to identify the Stars.
70. Make Mobiles.
71. Learn to Knit.
72. Memorize 5 of my favorite Poems.
73. Learn more about Medicinal Plants and Herbs.
74. Make Bath Bombs.
75. Learn to Distill Essential Oils.
76. Attend a performance at the Hollywood Bowl.
77. Have a small roll in a movie.
78. Publish a book of my own poetry.
79. Add Travel Writer to my resume.
80. Become a yoga instructor.
81. Have financial abundance.
82. Adopt a child.
83. Live in a home with an open courtyard in the middle of it, complete with trees, a fountain, and a fire place.
84. Attend the Kentucky Derby wearing a beautiful floppy black and white striped straw hat and flowing magenta sun dress while drinking mint juleps.
85. Create with Paper Mache.
86. Make Art for a Living
87. Front a Band (after I learn to sing of course-I can jump around with a mic though)
88. Drive a Formula One Car on a closed track in Europe.
89. Take a class at the John C. Campbell Folk School with my sister Anna.

Retreating to Quiet



On Saturday morning I took these pictures as I was watering the flowers and plants out front.  I had waited 5 days for rain to come (it rained late that afternoon-after watering) so I had to go rescue a few more delicate plants.  I love the quiet in the morning and I love being outside watching the world and seeing all of the insects go about their life. The past days and weeks have been busy. Sometimes more mentally busy than physically and that mental business can really tire me and so I go quiet and retreat within.  Time outdoors for me is quiet and meditative in that I pay attention to all the details around me instead of the chatter in my head.  I water a little, pull weeds, pinch back a flower here, clip a branch there, fill up the bird bath, see a little dragon fly flitter by, watch the clouds change and feel so much calmer and in tune with the world (the real one) around me.

We are headed to look at more homes later this afternoon, or rather neighborhoods.  We look at the neighborhoods first and then decide if we want our realtor to show us the homes. Keeping my fingers crossed on one in particular.  We have also been spending time moving things around in our current home to make room for our in-laws and their two fur babies to move in later in July.  It feels a little topsy turvy right now but they are great roommates (we have all lived together before) and I know once Miss Butters (and me) gets acquainted with the new sounds of our home she will settle right in.

I have also been striving to move my body in some way everyday as part of the invitation that Elizabeth made to do something everyday for 30 days.  The weekends have been the hardest part but I am really loving this invitation and I am feeling the results both mentally and physically.  The strange part is that adding this to my day has challenged me in keeping up with my other creative work.  It seems I simply cannot do everything and still enjoy it all so I am embracing just the movement for now (30 minutes or more of daily activity-yoga-walking-running-my own funny brand of aerobics and stretching).  Perhaps once the daily movement becomes integrated into my everyday life I will be able to incorporate some of the other creative work back in or perhaps some days will be dedicated to body work and some to creative-hand work.  I love that I get to figure it out as I go along and for once I am not feeling that I have to have all of this figured out or that there are actually rules to what what I should (or shouldn't) do.  Yeah for freedom!

Speaking of freedom, I do have a few paintings still in process that may just get painted over too.  That is an area where I am still learning to loosen up.  I also have a few paintings in mind that I want to do that involve robots.  It seems when I have an intention to paint a particular subject that something else pops up all together different so it will be interesting to see what comes out of the robots intention.

What are you up to this week?

Word Whispers

This morning these words were whispering in my ear....

I am not the piece of furniture that others see as old and ugly and abhor.
I am not the brokenness in the cane of the chair that needs fixing.
I am not the rug that needs to be cleaned or the reason that it is soiled.
I am not the reason you are out of sorts like a rubber band stretched too far.
I am not even the fresh-picked basil that lends the lively taste to the baked ziti,
(But sometimes I would love to be the cheese)
I am not the illness inside of you any more than I am the medicine that allows you to regain your strength.
I am not the lawn or what the lawn will look like months from now when I am gone.
I am not in charge of every holiday much less the universe.
I am not really the reason that you smile even though I would like to believe it to be true.
I am blue, green, and gold with a patina deepening along my edges.

I hope some part of this resonates with you and you too will recognize what you are not and how deeply your truth resides beyond the superficial.

New Painting



Blue Feather

I painted this feather last week but finished putting a glaze on it yesterday afternoon.  Michael's (craft store) was having a sale a few weeks ago and I bought several square canvases and this is one of them.  I intended to paint blue and green swirls on a yellow and gold background but I ended up with this instead.  The yellow, gold and green are there but hiding under the silver.  This painting reminds me of a peacock feather which reminds me of my grandmother and also of my favorite colors (blue, green, and gold).  I did, however, leave out the golden eye that is more typical of a peacock feather.



Paintings in progress



I have 4 other paintings in process as well, each quite different from the next.  I seem to be in a blue phase these days when it comes to painting but I am also very drawn to petal pink and this apricotish yellow as well.  I am craving crimson red for a future painting and think I will splurge on the one little tube I have or experiment in making a crimson red from my other paints.

A Brand New Day

Bee balm blooming in my garden

Wow, it has been a while since I did the last blog post.  Between feeling kind of off kilter (something is going on in the cosmos), helping plan for my niece's graduation party (it was so much fun) and looking for a new home (anyone have a miniature violin to play for me) I just have not felt up to writing a post.  When I think about it though it mainly goes back to feeling off kilter and not wanting to complain. Why should I complain when I get to spend my days generally doing what I want and at the pace I want?  What is there to complain about, right?   

There has been this crazy question running through my head for two weeks now (longer really but I chose to acknowledge the question within the last two weeks) that is also adding to this off kilter feeling that I am having. It is some variation of What are you doing with your life or What are you going to do with your life or Who are you going to be when you grow up....I keep responding I like what I am doing now and I keep hearing my inner thoughts tell me that this is just a break, not a way of life.  Then my mind skit-daddles down this slippery slope where I berate myself for having six months off from work and not having figured this out yet and for not having created a sustainable stream of income doing this (living, creating a life, gaining strength).

When these thoughts come up and steal my breath like a sucker punch to the gut I try to regain my breath and my footing.  And in my mind I stand up a little taller and plant my feet firmly hip width apart and tell myself this: You are exactly where you should be and This is not a race you are running but a life you are creating and Step by step you are building and creating it and adding and subtracting to it.  I remind myself that I really do get to make this up as I go along and there is no secret formula but a mixture of laughter and tears and a pinch of humility and hopefulness among other things all rolled together.  Breath in, breath out. All of this helps me not to give up and to give in. 

Could I concentrate more on one of the many things that I am doing these days?  Yes, I could.  But I really do believe that all of this together is the current formula I need and is adjustable.  I am enjoying painting and writing and gardening and cooking and being a personal assistant of sorts to name a few things.  I do want to concentrate more on the writing, however I have felt a little too fidgety for writing lately and have allowed that restless energy to pour into other areas  that needed attention. 


More than anything I am practicing (another great word for trying) finding the possibility and potential in each day and finding my internal rhythm.

All of This....

This morning I was struck with how very much I am in love with my life right now.  Somewhere between walking through the dewy grass and having my flip-flopped feet tickled, searching for four leaf clovers, telling Butters that the crashing and ruffling sounds in the woods were wild monkeys at play and catching the late morning shadow display on my kitchen window seal I was prompted to write this: 

Today if I listened

I would hear my own voice say

"If not now, when".

And

"It is ok that you have several projects

and works of art in process,

but you need to ask yourself

if you are exploring your creative options or

if you are running away from your greatness?"

And

"Sometimes greatness hurts because it
stretches you and expands you to the point
you think you may burst.  This can be scary, but it
is necessary just like taking a deep

breath before you dive deep into the water searching for

sea shells."

And

"Are you stopping one thing and jumping to another because it is getting harder?

Everyday is a work in progress,

everyday you learn more and push through

to greater understanding,

to deeper connection,
to less needs,

to the world around you is enough."

The splendor of light flooding through the window pane at 4 pm,
the hiss and hum of the air conditioner soothing the need for quiet,
the birdsong that is the background soundtrack playing throughout the day.
Letting my hair air dry,
Wearing an apron
splattered in paint as my
new uniform of choice.

All of this.
And the space and time to write this down.
All such beautiful gifts.

A Thrill to Rest My Cheek To

The first time I heard Etta James sing At Last I was struck mute and motionless except for a single tear that dropped down my cheek.  I was a teenager shopping in a local store with my Mother.  The store was narrow with high ceiling fans and hardwood floors and somehow these surroundings combined with her velvety voice made it feel all the more romantic to me.  I told my Mother then that if I ever got married, that I would dance to that song at my wedding. 

Nine years ago today my husband and I danced to that song.  I remember that day like a beautiful dream that came true.  The memory day strikes me with tears and gigantic smiles alike.  That day...it was perfect....and I continue to pinch myself even now that I was lucky enough to marry my friend and sweet love....the one that captured my heart when we were children riding bikes and climbing trees...the one that got away but would not let my heart go....yes that one.