Then and Now

From a recent morning run, I stopped and gently lifted this snail to the grass in the direction it was headed.  It reminds me of myself these days...slow and steady and a lover of shells.

It has been a long time since I have visited these pages.  Coming back felt hard, and I felt deterred many times from entering this space again.  What would I say, where would I start? I even thought of starting all over, at a new address but decided that this space was not done, that there had simply been a pause.  And so I begin again (again) starting with a  summary of then and of now, a glimpse of the months in-between.

A new job after an 804 day sabbatical. 
The ebb and flow and tides of this new season of life.
Running the dark city streets, alone,  before the sun began to rise until I lost my nerve. 
Closing on the sale of our old home.
Joining a gym to take the place of the lost nerve.
Tears of doubt.
Lost days that I did not own.
Longing for a garden.
Joining an herb guild.
Taking classes about herbs and fermentation and cheese making.
Finding joy in juicing fresh concoctions of vegetables, herbs, roots, and fruits.
Volunteering at a music festival with my sister.
Planting pots of lemon balm, thyme, dill, basil, scented geranium, heirloom tomatoes, and pink vinca's to fill my need to nurture and for green and for life.
Joyous moments of gratitude.
Two half-marathons ran with my brother.
Long hikes through the mountains on warm and humid weekends.
A long labor day weekend at the beach spent reading, sketching, and relaxing.
Learning to play golf (and actually enjoying it).
A birthday celebrated with loved ones and cake.
Trying to recognize the person in the mirror with new lines and droopy eyes and to make peace that the person staring back is really me.
Running the dark city streets, alone, finding new nerves and resolve.
Giving myself a birthday gift, Creative Spark, taught by the inspiring Tara Leaver.
Unearthing something that was misplaced and learning new methods for play.
Always searching for the light.